DUI cases are among the most tragic. They are also among the most entertaining.
DUI Driver Pulls Cop Over
Late one night, a young driver waved for a patrol car to pull over. The officer approached the young man’s car. “Officer, I’ve just come from a party where I was drinking. Could you test me to see if it’s safe for me to drive?” The officer tested him and then arrested him for driving under the influence. The young man still believed his elementary school teacher when she taught, “The officer is your friend.”
Drunk Juror Crashes into Court “Drive Safe” Sign
One juror started drinking very early before he needed to report for jury duty on a drunk driving case at our courthouse at 8:30 a.m. I guess jury duty was too stressful for him, and he needed to calm his nerves. As he turned into the court parking lot, he missed the driveway, jumped the curb, and knocked down one of our large traffic signs – which ended up leaning against his hood. When our bailiffs approached, the man was holding onto his car door handle for support. The first thing the bailiffs did was to take a picture of the scene. You see, the sign resting on the hood of the car read, “BUCKLE UP. DRIVE SAFE.”
DUI Driver Honks and Screams at Officer for Blocking Traffic
At about 3:00 a.m., an officer in a marked patrol car stopped in a residential road and spotlighted a house that looked like it might have been broken into. Although this was a residential street, there was plenty of room for other cars to pass. Suddenly, a large SUV came to a screeching stop within inches of the officer’s back bumper. The SUV driver started honking his horn, flashing his lights, and yelling out the window, “Get that car out of the road! You’re blocking traffic!” The driver kept honking and shouting. The uniformed officer walked back to the SUV. The driver still kept yelling at the cop to “Get that car out of the road!” Finally, the officer shined his flashlight on his badge. The driver exclaimed, “Ooops!” He was arrested for DUI.
“Physical Defects?” “I’m Mexican”
During a DUI investigation in one case, the officer asked the standard question, “Do you have any physical defects?” The driver replied, “I’m Mexican.” I don’t think the drunk driver understood the question.
DUI Driver Crashes into Police Donut Shop
Two CHP officers were sitting by the window inside a donut shop after 2:00 a.m. when the bars close. They were on a break drinking coffee. One of the officers glanced out the window and noticed a car speeding across the parking lot in their direction. He warned his partner, “I don’t think he’s going to stop!” The officers jumped out of the way just as the driver crashed through the wall and into their table. The driver staggered out of the car and announced, “Officers, I’m so glad I saw you! I’m lost! Could you help me find my way home?”
English Professor Sings Alphabet
One DUI suspect said he was a college English professor. When the officer asked him to recite the alphabet, “He sang the child’s version.”
13 Letters in the Alphabet
One officer asked a DUI suspect how many letters there are in the alphabet. The suspect replied, “Thirteen.” When the officer asked the suspect to recite the alphabet he responded: “a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l, m.”
Most officers arresting a suspect for DUI, do not announce the arrest until after the cuffs are on. This prevents fights and other problems. After the field sobriety tests in one case the officer informed the suspect that he was going to be placed under arrest. The suspect immediately turned away from the officer, took a couple of steps back, jumped on the back bumper of his Porsche, and did a perfect back flip. The suspect pointed at the cop and exclaimed, “Put that in your police report!” The officer did.
As one of my colleagues continuously reminds me, “We can’t make this stuff up.”