Balaam’s Talking Ass: The Funniest Scripture Story

"Sunday "Sermon" There once was a Prophet Balaam. He was famous through the Middle East. When hordes of Israelites fled Egypt and invaded the Middle East like locusts , they destroyed everything in their path. When they pitched their tents in the plains of Moab, King Balak was terrified that he and his people might … Continue reading Balaam’s Talking Ass: The Funniest Scripture Story

Honoring the Humble Banana Slug

The Slimy Banana Slug The Russian River was one of my favorite places to kayak. The lower stretch between Guerneville and Duncan’s Mill is mild and has eagles, egrets, herons, salmon, trout, and river otters. It’s like paddling in a National Geographic special. Banana Slug Kayaking Another forest creature is the large banana slug. It … Continue reading Honoring the Humble Banana Slug

My DNA Results: “Whiter” Than Ivory Soap

Family History Research and DNA Test My wife "forced” me to get a DNA test. My genealogy already revealed my ancestors come from northwest Europe: Britain and Scandinavia. Hope For "Mixed Samoan Race" I was hoping the DNA results would identify me as mixed race, part Samoan I always wanted to be Samoan. I love … Continue reading My DNA Results: “Whiter” Than Ivory Soap

I Survived Three Murder Attempts – In Childhood

I have a wonderful older sister. She is one of the kindest, compassionate, and selfless people I know. She has been a great example to me and others. I could not have asked for a better older sibling. Of course, sibling rivalry and the family "pecking order" are both natural and universal in childhood. I … Continue reading I Survived Three Murder Attempts – In Childhood

My Childhood “Frugal” Family Dinners

In the 1950's and 1960's, my mom handled the family budget.  My dad was an elementary school teacher, and we were a single income family of five. So, my mom was necessarily frugal. Cheap powdered milk with lumps She saved money by giving us powdered milk. This wasn’t name-brand powder, like Carnation.  This was cheap … Continue reading My Childhood “Frugal” Family Dinners

Judge Fights Public Defender — Literally

Sometimes attorneys find judges to be annoying, and sometimes judges find attorneys to be annoying. I thought I was a very patient person – until I became a judge. There are a select few annoying and aggressive attorneys who can push my buttons. Aggravating a judge is not in their client’s best interest. There is an … Continue reading Judge Fights Public Defender — Literally

My “Famous” Courtroom Fainting Spell

Vertigo on the Bench One morning I was on the bench with a huge docket of cases. The audience chairs were filled, and the custody cage was full of prisoners. Feeling the back pressure of the caseload I started talking faster and faster. (I was probably hyperventilating.)  All of a sudden, I felt light headed and … Continue reading My “Famous” Courtroom Fainting Spell

The Crime of “Fake Orgasm”

(Caution: Mild Adult Content) Background: The "Entertainment Value" of Criminal Cases A little bit of background: One thing they never mentioned in law school regarding settlement conferences is the entertainment value of the case for the judge. After presiding over dozens of routine and repetitious DUI, theft, and drug trials, an experienced criminal law judge will do … Continue reading The Crime of “Fake Orgasm”

2 Major Judicial Pranks

There is often great camaraderie among judges, especially when they have worked side-by-side for decades. Judges sometimes become good friends and family members. But as with most families, there is sibling rivalry. Occasionally, judges like to tease and prank each other. (I can share these accounts because any statute of limitations expired decades ago.) The … Continue reading 2 Major Judicial Pranks

Ingenious Undercover Cops

In four decades in the criminal justice system, I came across some amazingly creative and effective undercover officers. The Undercover Police Chief One part-time under cover officer was actually a local police chief. Stanton, Orange County, California, was a small semi-impoverished city between Knott’s Berry Farm and the beach. The police department was underfunded and understaffed. Maintaining … Continue reading Ingenious Undercover Cops