"Court Case Friday" The best new judges have extensive experience in the field of law in which they are presiding. They also have major courtroom experience. A new judge who lacks such expertise is a "fish out of water," and can be a disaster. 25 lbs of Marijuana When I was a prosecutor, a new … Continue reading Bizarre Ruling – Judge Orders the Police to Return Illegal Drugs to the Criminals
My criminal law professor started each class by bellowing: “Criminals Are Stupid.” He then shared a dumb-criminal account from the media. This is one reason criminal defense attorneys are reluctant to put their clients on the witness stand during trial. The experienced prosecutor can’t wait to cross-examine them. As a young prosecutor, I was prepared … Continue reading Criminals Aren’t the Only “Dumb” People in Court
I was involved in the prosecution of a serial rape case. The “perp” wore a knit ski mask making eye witness identification impossible. (This was before DNA). As he was committing the crime, the victim noticed a homemade prison tattoo on the inside of his bicep. The tattoo stuck in her mind because it said, … Continue reading Caught and Convicted Because of His Misspelled Tattoo
Juvenile Burglars with Stocking Hands I prosecuted a couple of teenagers for attempted residential burglary. As a police officer was driving down a residential road while on routine patrol, he noticed a new bicycle lying on its side on the sidewalk. He was an experienced officer with keen instincts. He knew that school was in … Continue reading More Dumb Criminals
The Defendant Inadvertently Confesses During Trial I presided over a jury trial where the defendant had sold drugs to an undercover police officer. As we started with testimony, the prosecutor called the undercover officer as his first witness. As the officer walked up to the stand, the defendant jumped up, pointed at the cop, and … Continue reading 2 More Dumb Criminals
"We don't catch the smart ones." The Man with Too Many Wrong AKAs I arraigned an in-custody felon with simple drug possession. At the time of his arrest, he gave the name of “Juan Aguilar Guzman” with a date of birth of 6/28/73. When the police ran the information through the computers it turned out … Continue reading Another Dumb Stupid Criminal
"We don't catch the smart ones." “Dumb and Dumber” and “Dumbest” Under California’s “three strikes” law at the time, if a defendant committed two serious or violent felonies in the past, if he commits a new felony, no matter how minor, he faces a mandatory 25 years to life in prison. (Some California DA’s Offices … Continue reading More Entertaining Dumb Criminals
The Dumb Defendant Destroys his Defense (Too many alliterations?) One year, a man came to rob a gas station mini-mart. He walked up to the counter, put his hand in his pants pocket under his untucked shirt, and said to the cashier, “I have a gun, give me all your money.” The young cashier was … Continue reading More Entertaining Stupid Criminals
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