Another Dumb Criminal: Dissatisfied Customer Returned Printer with Counterfeit Bills Inside

"Court Case Friday" A Target store, in Augusta, Georgia, agreed to take back a printer from a dissatisfied customer. The quality of the copies was not good enough. Then the clerk noticed that the customer forgot to remove copies from the machine - counterfeit bills. “We don’t catch the smart ones.” (“Meet the 38 Dumbest … Continue reading Another Dumb Criminal: Dissatisfied Customer Returned Printer with Counterfeit Bills Inside →

More Dumb Criminals: Snorting Cremation Ashes

'Court Case Friday" Several drug addicts broke into a home in Silver Springs, Florida. They were thrilled to find three ceramic jars on the mantle filled with powdered cocaine. They rushed home, anxious to get high. After snorting the “product” for a while, they realized they weren’t getting high after all. That’s when they … Continue reading More Dumb Criminals: Snorting Cremation Ashes →

Dumb Lawyer Questions

"Court Case Friday" (Taken from court reporter transcripts) ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: … Continue reading Dumb Lawyer Questions →

Another “Dumb” One – “Prayer for Relief”

"Court Case Friday" Pro per prisoners often send complaints to judges without requesting a remedy (“prayer for relief.”) In these “snivel sheets” (guards’ lingo), they whine and complain, sometimes legitimately. However, they often don’t explain what they want the court to do. As a prosecutor, I received such a petition filed by a prisoner in … Continue reading Another “Dumb” One – “Prayer for Relief” →

My Case of “Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest”

"Court Case Friday" Under California’s “three strikes” law, if a defendant committed two serious or violent felonies in the past, a new felony, no matter how minor, triggered a mandatory 25 years-to-life in prison. (A judge has the discretion to “strike” prior conviction allegations, and reduce the sentence in the "interests of justice.") I had … Continue reading My Case of “Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest” →

“My” “Dumb Criminal” – Ruined His Successful Lineup

"Court Case Friday" As a D.A. I once prosecuted a serious felony case where the issue was whether the victims could identify the criminal. The defense attorney requested an in-person line-up. The O.C. Sheriffs are very good a finding five similar looking people in the jail to put in the lineup with the defendant. In fact, … Continue reading “My” “Dumb Criminal” – Ruined His Successful Lineup →

“My” “Dumb Criminal” – The Car Thief Who Got Lost in the Dealer Lot

"Court Case Friday" I presided over a case where a recently parolee attempted to steal a brand-new Lexis from the dealership. The “perp” somehow got keys from a lock box. He unlocked the car, started the engine, and pulled away. Unfortunately for him, he did not plan his escape. He kept driving up and down … Continue reading “My” “Dumb Criminal” – The Car Thief Who Got Lost in the Dealer Lot →

The “Dumb Criminal” and the Fake Lie Detector (Plus, Vintage Photos of Early Lie Detectors)

"Court Case Friday" “We don’t catch the smart ones.” One of my favorite “criminals are stupid” cases, took place in rural Oklahoma. Two officers were on routine patrol in the middle of the night. As they drove down a residential street, they saw the defendant breaking into a home. They cuffed him and put him … Continue reading The “Dumb Criminal” and the Fake Lie Detector (Plus, Vintage Photos of Early Lie Detectors) →

“My” “Dumb Criminal” – He Sold Drugs to an Officer in Uniform

"Court Case Friday" If criminals are dumb, then young, inexperienced juvenile criminals are often the dumbest. As a young attorney, I prosecuted a dumb teenage marijuana dealer. A police officer was on patrol near the parking lot of Huntington Beach High School. The officer was in full uniform, and he was driving a black-and-white police car. … Continue reading “My” “Dumb Criminal” – He Sold Drugs to an Officer in Uniform →

Another “Dumb Criminal”- Outburst in Front of the Jury

"Court Case Friday" “We don’t catch the smart ones.” I learned of a case where the defendant was on trial for armed robbery. The typical trial issue in these cases is whether the victim can identify the robber. Often, the victim is so focused on the gun, they can’t describe the criminal. The victim in … Continue reading Another “Dumb Criminal”- Outburst in Front of the Jury →