"Court Case Friday" There are/is a plethora of jokes about lawyers. Jokes about judges are a little harder to come by. Perhaps it is our reputation for being “sober as a judge.” Here are a few: What do you call a law school graduate who got "A's"? “Professor”What do you call a law student graduate … Continue reading Jokes About Judges
"Court Case Friday" (Taken from court reporter transcripts) ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: … Continue reading Dumb Lawyer Questions
"Court Case Friday" (From court reporter transcripts) ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ATTORNEY: What was … Continue reading Unpredictable Courtroom Witnesses
"Court Case Friday" (From court reporter transcripts) ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ATTORNEY: Doctor, was Mr. Eddington dead at the time you performed the autopsy?WITNESS: No, you dumb a—h--, he was sitting up wondering … Continue reading Dumb Lawyers versus Doctor Witnesses
"Patriotic Wednesday" Like Aristotle, Leonardo Di Vinci and Issac Newton, Thomas Jefferson is recognized as a “universal genius.” A “universal genius" is a person with (1) an almost universal knowledge on a wide range of subjects, (2) an estimated IQ above 190, and (3) demonstrated brilliance in multiple areas of knowledge. Only thirty people throughout … Continue reading Thomas Jefferson – “Universal Genius”
"Court Case Friday" You should always have favorite jokes ready to pull out when the occasion arises. Here’s one of mine. Feel free to borrow it. When someone in a group mentions anything related to medicine, doctors, law, or lawyers, I pull out this joke: Me: “Speaking of [fill in the blank: lawyers or doctors] … Continue reading My Favorite (Pre-planned) Legal Joke
"Court Case Friday" As a young D.A. I was assigned to prosecute a unique shoplifting case. A poor elderly woman walked into a grocery store and stuffed dozens of canned goods into her coat and dress. She made no effort to conceal what she was doing. The bulges in her clothing were obvious. She left the … Continue reading “How do I prosecute a food shoplifter, who is a poor Nazi death camp survivor?”
"Court Case Friday" I had a prisoner in my courtroom charged with felony transportation and sale of a drug. It was a new designer drug I hadn’t seen before. It had a very long technical name. I started to advise him of the charges: “You are charged with felony transportation and sale of drugs: to … Continue reading Prisoner Tells the Judge How to Pronounce the Name of the Illegal Drug
“Then one of them, which was a lawyer asked [Jesus] a question, tempting him, saying Master, which is the greatest commandment in the law?" (v. 35) Significantly, the question was asked by a lawyer. Lawyers are experts in the law. They are masters of entrapping people through cross-examination. This lawyer was not asking Jesus a … Continue reading Christ’s Greatest Miracle – Silencing the Lawyers (Matthew 22:35-46)
There seems to be a never ending dumb criminals. Of course, "we don't catch the smart ones." I had a prisoner in the “cage” in my courtroom who was a neo-Nazi-Aryan-Brotherhood type racist. He was covered with white supremacist tattoos. I confess that I have very little tolerance for racists gangs. They are often mean, … Continue reading Racist Criminal and Karma
The London Edition 